Sooth, Vulgarise Vengeance, As Defray Its Cost By Money Dug Out Of The Dirty Earth, Mere Irritant, In Maro'S Phrase, To Ill? What Though He Lured Base Hinds By Lucre'S Hope, The Only Motive They Could Masticate, Milk For Babes, Not Stong Meat Which Men Require? The Deed Done, Those Coarse Hands Were Soiled Enough, He Spared Them The Pollution Of The Pay. So Much For The Allegement, Thine, My Fisc, Quo Nil Absurdius, Than Which Nought More Mad. Excogitari Potest, May Be Squeezed From Out The Cogitative Brain Of Thee! And Now, Thou Excellent The Governor! (Push To The Peroration) C'Terum Enixe Supplico, I Strive In Prayer, Ut Dominis Meis, That Unto The Court, Benigna Fronte, With A Gracious Brow, Et Oculis Serenis, And Mild Eyes, Perpendere Placeat, It May Please Them Weigh, Quod Dominus Guido, That Our Noble Count, Occidit, Did The Killing In Dispute, Ut Ejus Honor Tumulatus, That The Honour Of Him Buried Fathom-Deep In Infamy, In Infamia, Might Arise, Resurgeret, As Ghosts Break Sepulchre! Occidit, For He Killed, Uxorem, Wife, Quia Illi Fuit, Since She Was To Him, Opprobrio, A Disgrace And Nothing More! Et Genitores, Killed Her Parents Too, Qui, Who, Postposita Verecundia, Having Thrown Off All Sort Of Decency, Filiam Repudiarunt, Had Renounced Their Daughter, Atque Declarare Non Erubuerunt, Nor Felt Blush Tinge Cheek, Declaring, Meretricis Genitam Esse, She Was The Offspring Of A Drab, Ut Ipse Dehonestaretur, Just That So Himself Might Lose His Social Rank! Cujus Mentem, And Which Daughter'S Heart And Soul, They, Perverterunt, Turned From The Right Course, Et Ad Illicitos Amores Non Dumtaxat Pellexerunt, And To Love Not Simply Did Alluringly Incite, Sed Vi Obedienti', But By Force O' The Duty, Filialis, Daughters Owe, Coegerunt, Forced And Drove Her To The Deed: Occidit, I Repeat He Killed The Clan, Ne Scilicet Amplius In Dedecore, Lest Peradventure Longer Life Might Trail, Viveret, Link By Link His Turpitude, Invisus Consanguineis, Hateful So To Kith And Kindred, A Nobilibus Notatus, Shunned By Men Of Quality, Relictus Ab Amicis, Left I' The Lurch By Friends, Ab Omnibus Derisus, Turned A Common Hack-Block To Try Edge Of Jokes. Occidit, And He Killed Them Here In Rome, In Urbe, The Eternal City, Sirs, Nempe Qu' Alias Spectata Est, The Appropriate Theatre Which Witnessed Once, Matronam Nobilem, Lucretia'S Self, Abluere Pudiciti' Maculas, Wash Off The Spots Of Her Pudicity, Sanguine Proprio, With Her Own Pure Blood; Qu' Vidit, And Which City Also Saw, Patrem, Virginius, Undequaque, Quite, Impunem, With No Sort Of Punishment, Nor, Et Non Illaudatum, Lacking Praise, Sed Polluentem Parricidio, Imbrue His Hands With Butchery, Fili', Of Chaste Virginia, To Avoid A Rape, Ne Raperetur Ad Stupra; So To Heart, Tanti Illi Cordi Fuit, Did He Take, Suspicio, The Mere Fancy Men Might Have, Honoris Amittendi, Of Fame'S Loss, Ut Potius Voluerit Filia Orbari, That He Chose To Lose His Child, Quam Illa Incederet, Rather Than She Walk The Ways An, Inhonesta, Child Disgraced, Licet Non Sponte, Though Against Her Will. Occidit Killed Them, I Reiterate In Propria Domo, In Their Own Abode, Ut Adultera Et Parentes, That Each Wretch, Conscii Agnoscerent, Might Both See And Say, Nullum Locum, There'S No Place, Nullumque Esse Asylum, Nor Yet Refuge Of Escape, Impenetrabilem, Shall Serve As Bar, Honori L'So, To The Wounded One In Honour; Neve Ibi Opprobria Continuarentur, Killed Them On The Spot Moreover, Dreading Lest Within Those Walls The Opprobrium Peradventure Be Prolonged, Et Domus Qu' Testis Fuit Turpium, And That The Domicile Which Witnessed Crime, Esset Et P'N', Might Watch Punishment: Occidit, Killed, I Round You In The Ears, Quia Alio Modo, Since, By Other Mode, Non Poterat Ejus Existimatio, There Was No Possibility His Fame, L'Sa, Gashed Griesly, Tam Enormiter, Ducere Cicatrices, Might Be Healed: Occidit Ut Exemplum Pr'Beret Uxoribus, Killed Her So To Lesson Wives Jura Conjugii, That The Marriage-Oath, Esse Servanda, Must Be Kept Henceforth: Occidit Denique, Killed Her, In A Word, Ut Pro Posse Honestus Viveret, That He, Please God, Might Creditably Live, Sin Minus, But If Fate Willed Otherwise, Proprii Honoris, Of His Outraged Fame, Offensi, By Mannaja, If You Please, Commiseranda Victima Caderet, The Pitiable Victim He Should Fall! Done! I' The Rough, I' The Rough! But Done! And, Lo, Landed And Stranded Lies My Very Own, My Miracle, My Monster Of Defence Leviathan Into The Nose Whereof I Have Put Fish-Hook, Pierced His Jaw With Thorn, And Given Him To My Maidens For A Play! I' The Rough, To-Morrow I Review My Piece, Tame Here And There Undue Floridity, It's Hard: You Have To Plead Before These Priests And Poke At Them With Scripture, Or You Pass For Heathen And, What's Worse, For Ignorant O' The Quality O' The Court And What It Likes By Way Of Illustration Of The Law: To-Morrow Stick In This, And Throw Out That, And, Having First Ecclesiasticised, Regularise The Whole, Next Emphasise, Then Latinize And Lastly Cicero-Ise, Giving My Fisc His Finish. There'S My Speech And Where's My Fry, And Family And Friends? Where's That Old Hyacinth I Mean To Hug Till He Cries Out, 'Jam Satis! Let Me Breathe!' Oh, What An Evening Have I Earned To-Day! Hail, Ye True Pleasures, All The Rest Are False! Oh, The Old Mother, Oh, The Fattish Wife! Rogue Hyacinth Shall Put On Paper Toque, And Wrap Himself Around With Mamma'S Veil Done Up To Imitate Papa'S Black Robe, (I'm In The Secret Of The Comedy, Part Of The Program Leaked Out Long Ago!) And Call Himself The Advocate O' The Poor, Mimic Don Father That Defends The Count, And For Reward Shall Have A Small Full Glass Of Manly Red Rosolio To Himself, Always Provided That He Conjugate Bibo, I Drink, Correctly Nor Be Found Make The Perfectum, Bipsi, As Last Year! How The Ambitious Do So Harden Heart As Lightly Hold By These Home-Sanctitudes, To Me Is Matter Of Bewilderment Bewilderment! Because Ambition'S Range Is Nowise Tethered By Domestic Tie: Am I Refused An Outlet From My Home To The World'S Stage? Whereon A Man Should Play The Man In Public, Vigilant For Law, Zealous For Truth, A Credit To His Kind, Nay, Through The Talent So Employed As Yield The Lord His Own Again With Usury, A Satisfaction, Yea, To God Himself! Well, I Have Modelled Me By Agur'S Wish, 'remove Far From Me Vanity And Lies, 'Feed Me With Food Convenient For Me!' What I' The World Should A Wise Man Require Beyond? Can I But Coax The Good Fat Little Wife To Tell Her Fool Of A Father Of The Prank His Scapegrace Nephew Played This Time Last Year At Carnival, He Could Not Choose, I Think, But Modify That Inconsiderate Gift O' The Cup And Cover (Somewhere In The Will Under The Pillow, Someone Seems To Guess) Correct That Clause In Favour Of A Boy The Trifle Ought To Grace With Name Engraved (Would Look So Well Produced In Years To Come To Pledge A Memory When Poor Papa Latin And Law Are Long Since Laid At Rest) Hyacintho Dono Dedit Avus, Why, The Wife Should Get A Necklace For Her Pains, The Very Pearls That Made Violante Proud, And Pietro Pawned For Half Their Value Once, Redeemable By Somebody Ne Sit Marita Qu' Rotundioribus Onusta Mammis . . . Baccis Ambulet, Her Bosom Shall Display The Big Round Balls, No Braver Should Be Borne By Wedded Wife! With Which Horatian Promise I Conclude. Into The Pigeon-Hole With Thee, My Speech! Off And Away, First Work Then Play, Play, Play! Bottini, Burn Your Books, You Blazing Ass! Sing 'Tra-La-La, For, Lambkins, We Must Live!'