Pagett, M.P By Rudyard Kipling

The Toad Beneath The Harrow Knows Exactly Where Eath Tooth-Point Goes. The Butterfly Upon The Road Preaches Contentment To That Toad. Pagett, M.P., Was A Liar, And A Fluent Liar Therewith, He Spoke Of The Heat Of India As The "Asian Solar Myth"; Came On A Four Months' Visit, To "Study The East," In November, And I Got Him To Sign An Agreement Vowing To Stay Till September. March Came In With The Koil. Pagett Was Cool And Gay, Called Me A "Bloated Brahmin," Talked Of My "Princely Pay." March Went Out With The Roses. "Where Is Your Heat?" Said He. "Coming," Said I To Pagett, "Skittles!" Said Pagett, M.P. April Began With The Punkah, Coolies, And Prickly-Heat,, Pagett Was Dear To Mosquitoes, Sandflies Found Him A Treat. He Grew Speckled And Mumpy-Hammered, I Grieve To Say, Aryan Brothers Who Fanned Him, In An Illiberal Way. May Set In With A Dust-Storm,, Pagett Went Down With The Sun. All The Delights Of The Season Tickled Him One By One. Imprimis, Ten Day'S "Liver", Due To His Drinking Beer; Later, A Dose Of Fever,Slight, But He Called It Severe. Dysent'Ry Touched Him In June, After The Chota Bursat, Lowered His Portly Person, Made Him Yearn To Depart. He Didn't Call Me A "Brahmin," Or "Bloated," Or "Overpaid," But Seemed To Think It A Wonder That Any One Stayed. July Was A Trifle Unhealthy,, Pagett Was Ill With Fear. 'Called It The "Cholera Morbus," Hinted That Life Was Dear. He Babbled Of "Eastern Exile," And Mentioned His Home With Tears; But I Haven't Seen My Children For Close Upon Seven Years. We Reached A Hundred And Twenty Once In The Court At Noon, (I've Mentioned Pagett Was Portly) Pagett, Went Off In A Swoon. That Was An End To The Business; Pagett, The Perjured, Fled With A Practical, Working Knowledge Of "Solar Myths" In His Head. And I Laughed As I Drove From The Station, But The Mirth Died Out On My Lips As I Thought Of The Fools Like Pagett Who Write Of Their "Eastern Trips," And The Sneers Of The Traveled Idiots Who Duly Misgovern The Land, And I Prayed To The Lord To Deliver Another One Into My Hand.