Nellie If I Were You, When Ladies At The Play, Sir, Beckon And Nod, A Melodrama Through, I Would Not Turn Abstractedly Away, Sir, If I Were You! Frank If I Were You, When Persons I Affected, Wait For Three Hours To Take Me Down To Kew, I Would At Least Pretend I Recollected, If I Were You! Nellie If I Were You, When Ladies Are So Lavish, Sir, As To Keep Me Every Waltz But Two, I Would Not Dance With Odious Miss M'Tavish, If I Were You! Frank If I Were You, Who Vow You Cannot Suffer Whiff Of The Best, The Mildest "Honey Dew," I Would Not Dance With Smoke-Consuming Puffer, If I Were You! Nellie If I Were You, I Would Not, Sir, Be Bitter, Even To Write The "Cynical Review"; Frank No, I Should Doubtless Find Flirtation Fitter, If I Were You! Nellie Really! You Would? Why, Frank, You're Quite Delightful, Hot As Othello, And As Black Of Hue; Borrow My Fan. I Would Not Look So Frightful, If I Were You! Frank "It Is The Cause." I Mean Your Chaperon Is Bringing Some Well-Curled Juvenile. Adieu! I Shall Retire. I'd Spare That Poor Adonis, If I Were You! Nellie Go, If You Will. At Once! And By Express, Sir! Where Shall It Be? To China, Or Peru? Go. I Should Leave Inquirers My Address, Sir, If I Were You! Frank No, I Remain. To Stay And Fight A Duel Seems, On The Whole, The Proper Thing To Do, Ah, You Are Strong, I Would Not Then Be Cruel, If I Were You! Nellie One Does Not Like One'S Feelings To Be Doubted, Frank One Does Not Like One'S Friends To Misconstrue, Nellie If I Confess That I A Wee-Bit Pouted? Frank I Should Admit That I Was Pique, Too. Nellie Ask Me To Dance. I'd Say No More About It, If I Were You! [Waltz - Exeunt.]