Twas Where The Birch And Sounding Thong Are Ply'D, The Noisy Domicile Of Pedant Pride; Where Ignorance Her Darkening Vapour Throws, And Cruelty Directs The Thickening Blows; Upon A Time, Sir Abece The Great, In All His Pedagogic Powers Elate, His Awful Chair Of State Resolves To Mount, And Call The Trembling Vowels To Account. First Enter'D A, A Grave, Broad, Solemn Wight, But, Ah! Deform'D, Dishonest To The Sight! His Twisted Head Look'D Backward On The Way, And Flagrant From The Scourge He Grunted, Ai! Reluctant, E Stalk'D In; With Piteous Race The Justling Tears Ran Down His Honest Face! That Name! That Well-Worn Name, And All His Own, Pale He Surrenders At The Tyrant'S Throne! The Pedant Stifles Keen The Roman Sound Not All His Mongrel Diphthongs Can Compound; And Next The Title Following Close Behind, He To The Nameless, Ghastly Wretch Assign'D. The Cobweb'D Gothic Dome Resounded Y! In Sullen Vengeance, I, Disdain'D Reply: The Pedant Swung His Felon Cudgel Round, And Knock'D The Groaning Vowel To The Ground! In Rueful Apprehension Enter'D O, The Wailing Minstrel Of Despairing Woe; Th' Inquisitor Of Spain The Most Expert Might There Have Learnt New Mysteries Of His Art; So Grim, Deform'D, With Horrors Entering U, His Dearest Friend And Brother Scarcely Knew! As Trembling U Stood Staring All Aghast, The Pedant In His Left Hand Clutched Him Fast, In Helpless Infants' Tears He Dipp'D His Right, Baptiz'D Him Eu, And Kick'D Him From His Sight.