When Francis (Named The First) O'Er Frenchmen Reign'D, In Italy Young Arthur Laurels Gained, And Oft Such Daring Valour Showed In Fight, With Ev'Ry Honour He Was Made A Knight; The Monarch Placed The Spur Upon His Heel, That All Around His Proper Worth Might Feel. Then Household Deities At Home He Sought, Where - Not At Prayers His Beauteous Dame He Caught: he'd Left Her, Truly, Quite Dissolv'D In Tears; But Now The Belle Had Bid Adieu To Fears; And Oft Was Dancing Joyously Around, With All The Company That Could Be Found. Gallants In Crowds Sir Arthur Soon Perceived; At Sight Of These The Knight Was Sorely Grieved; And, Turning In His Mind How Best To Act; Cried He, Can This Be Truly Held A Fact, That I've Been Worthy While I'd Fame In View, Of Cuckoldom At Home, And Knighthood Too? It Ought To Be But Half: - The Truth Let'S Know; From Constancy The Purest Blessings Flow. Then Like A Father-Confessor He Dressed, And Took His Seat Where Priests Their Flock Confessed. His Lady Absolution Sought That Day, And On Her Knees Before Him 'Gan To Pray; The Minor Sins Were Told With Downcast Eyes, And Then For Hearing Those Of Larger Size, The Husband-Confessor Prepared His Ears: - Said She, Good Father, ('Mid A Flood Of Tears), My Bed Receives, (The Fault I Fear'S Not Slight,) A Gentleman, A Parson, And A Knight. Still More Had Followed, But, By Rage O'Ercome, Sir Arthur Cut The Thread, And She Was Mum; Though, Doubtless, Had The Fair Been Let Proceed, Quite Long Her Litany Had Been Decreed. The Husband, In A Rage, Exclaimed, Thou Jade, A Parson, Say'St Thou? T'Whom Dost Think Thou'St Made This Curst Confession? - To My Spouse, Cried She, I Saw You Enter Here, And Came With Glee, Supposing You'd A Trick To Raise Surprise; Howe'Er 'Tis Strange That One So Very Wise, The Riddle Should Not Fully Comprehend: - A Knight, The King Created You, My Friend; A Gentleman, Your Rank Was Long Ago; A Parson, You Have Made Yourself You Know. Goon Heav'Ns! Exclaimed The Knight, 'Tis Very Clear, And I A Blockhead Surely Must Appear.