Move, With Bosom Rent Anew, An Audience Multitudinous To Tears; Scratch On With Quill Unwearied And No Fears, The World Shall Fling Thee Thy Resplendent Bays, For Popular Opinion Safely Steers His Barque Upon The River Of Thy Praise. The Stars Themselves Shall Pause To Listen To Thy Lays. Lxxxv. The Visitors Expected Smartly Drove Up To The Gate, And Julia Showed Them In, Dressed In Her Best (A Sickly-Looking Mauve); She Also Wore A Most Audacious Grin, Which Mistress Too Was Far From Favouring, And It Was Clear A "Lecture" Was In Store, Most Of Us Know What That Means; For Some Sin Many Have I Myself Received Before; I'm Never Naughty Now; That Was In Days Of Yore. Lxxxvi. Full Twelve Or Fifteen Minutes Had Expired, Before The Salutation Part Was Done, And They, Poor Chaps, Were Doubtless Very Tired, Quite Tired Enough, Before It Had Begun. (Just Think Of All That Distance In The Sun!) As Usual, Everlasting "Hows" And "Whens," And Kind Inquiries Mixed With Pretty Fun Were Passed From Mouth To Mouth, Which Always Tends To Show How Much Our Joy On Others' Joy Depends (?). Lxxxvii. But Really And Truly, Joking All Aside, One Of Our Friends, The Tallest Of The Three I Think It Was, But Cannot Quite Decide, Was Handsome As A Man Could Hope To Be, I Only Wish That he'd Exchanged With Me; Such Depth Of Eye And Such A Princely Frown! I Wish, My Friends, That You'd Been There To See His Small White Hands And His Moustache Of Brown, Indeed 'Twas Worth A Journey All The Way From Town. Lxxxviii. It Is, I Think, A Matter Of Opinion What Style Of Face Is Sweetest To Behold, Whether Malay Or Greek Or Abyssinian, Italian I Have Oftentimes Been Told: Malay I Think Expressionless And Cold, Tho' Some Admire Its Sweet Simplicity, But I'll Observe, If I May Be So Bold, It Must Be Far-Fetched Eccentricity; At Least I Can't Discover Such Felicity. Lxxxix. Down To The Hayfield Numerous Forks Were Sent, The Ladies Took The Lighter Ones To Use, And All Were Jovial To A Great Extent; The Gentlemen Related All The News And Cheerfully Did Everything T' Amuse, When A Mischance Occurred, Picked Up The Forks, (What Gentleman I Wonder Could Refuse) And Helped T' Unload And Pull Out All The Corks And Arranged Some Ladies' Nosegays, Cutting Off Superfluous Stalks. Xc. Upon The Grass The Damask Cloth Was Laid, And The Repast Looked Wonderfully Nice, Spread, As I Said It Would Be, In The Shade, With Every Summer Dainty To Entice, Especially The Lemonade And Ice (Coffee For Those Who Coffee Did Prefer), And Julia, Too, Was Charmingly Precise, (To Which It Is But Justice To Refer) Than Her Sweet Smile Nought Could Have Been Much Prettier. Xci. From Three Crossed Sticks Above A Faggot Fire The Water-Vessel Sent They Did Suspend As People Mostly Do, With Twisted Wire; Much Care And Labour Too They Did Expend, Determined That Their Visitors Should Spend A Very Merry Evening, Which They Had, For There Was Merry-Making Without End, And All The Company Made Very Glad; Considering All Things, Its Success Was Not So Bad. Xcii. The Host Was Irresistibly Polite; "Now Do Try This" He Pressingly Would Say, Until It Was A Positive Delight To Pass Your Plate And Let Him Have His Way; Indeed He Scorned The Very Thought Of "Nay;" The Ladies, Though They Chatted Gaily, Thought Of Lots And Lots Of Things They'd Like To Say, But Couldn't Then, You Know, For They'd Been Taught At Such A Time To Smother Feelings Of The Sort. Xciii. Pop Went The Corks, The Ladies Screamed With Fear And Put Their Handkerchiefs Before Their Face, Then Stuffed Their Ears So Full They Couldn't Hear And Each One Made A Terrible Grimace, Begging That To Some Farther Distant Place The Bottles Should Be Pointed; Then, Alas! All Ran Away As Though They Ran A Race, When Each Had Managed To Upset Her Glass On The Corks Banging, Like A Timid Little (L)Ass. Xciv. The Ladies Then, With One Consent, Declared The Gentlemen To Be Too Good By Half, That Angels With Them Could Not Be Compared; Then Everybody Had A Hearty Laugh; The "Charms" Indulged In Various Little Chaff And Gave The Gentlemen Some Dreadful "Whacks," I Do Not Mean With Their Papa'S Old Staff But With Their Little Hands, Across Their Backs, Observing They Deserved Quite Twice As Many Smacks. Xcv. Rowland, Our Handsome Friend, Pronounced The Pies Of All He Ever Liked To Be The Best; Lionel, Too, Bespoke The Strawberries, And Gilbert Loved The Currants, He Confessed; In Short, The Gathering Was The Loveliest Of All The Gatherings They Had Ever Known, And Each, Of Course, Was Proud To Be A Guest; The Ladies Sighed How Fast The Time Had Flown; That They Were Sorry Everybody There Did Own. Xcvi. Then (At The Special Signal Of Mamma) The Labourers Came To Take Some Little Cheer; They Doffed Their Hats And Shouted Thrice "Hurrah!" When They Had Polished Off A Little Beer; But Took The Treasure While A Burning Tear, Unchecked And Gentle, Trembled On The Cheek And Damped The Furrows Of Full Many A Year, And Fettered Up The Lips; Thankful And Meek, Each Rustic Bent His Toil-Worn Brow, But Could Not Speak. Xcvii. And Each One Passed His Rough And Heavy Sleeve Up To His Face, Across His Briny Eye; What Human Breast That Tears May Not Relieve? What Cheek That Tears Can Never Beautify? They Moved Away And Sauntered Leisurely Back To Their Toil, Back To Their Daily Bread, Then Homewards. In The Evening'S Streaky Sky The Crescent Moon Gleamed Faintly Overhead And Whispered That Their Little Ones Were Hushed In Bed. Xcviii. Our Friends And Visitors Withdrew Inside Now They Had Tossed The Hay And Had Their Fill, And It Was Proper Time They Should, Beside-- The Fields Were Getting Positively Chill; The Gentlemen Sat Down And Rested Till The Trap Was Ready, And The Lamps Were Lighted, And Pleased They Were To Chat Awhile, But Still It Made The Journey Tedious If Benighted; Of Course They Mentioned They'd Been Thoroughly Delighted. Xcix. Then Scribbling Autographs Seemed All The Go, And Music Took The Place Of Tossing Hay, With Various Small Etcetera, And So It Came About They Should Not Go Away Before They'd Promised For Another Day. Of Course What Could They Say? They Said They Would, And Highly Pleased They All Were I Daresay; And So Between Them All 'Twas Understood They Had Arranged A Pic-Nic Near Some Distant Wood. C. Meanwhile The Horse Was Getting Slightly Frisky, Impatient Quite To Trot His Homeward Road; Of Course Our Friends Must Have A Glass Of Whisky, The Frisky Horse, The Trap, And All Be Blowed: As Long As They Arrived At Their Abode It Didn't Matter And They Didn't Care, And All These Circumstances Only Showed They Were In No Great Hurry To Be There, Perhaps Preferring To Remain Just Where They Were. Ci. But Still The Parting Came: As For Adieus, They Lasted Just As Long, I Do Believe, As All The "Hows" And "Whens" And "How D'Ye Dos" On Their Arrival,--No, I Don't Deceive; They All Took "Quite Excruciating" Leave, And Julia Hurried Up And Held The Gate, For Which A Florin-Piece She Did Receive, Then Hurried Back In Quite A Frantic State, Indeed Her Eyes With Very Pleasure Did Dilate. Cii. Now They Were All Alone, The Day Was O'Er, The Blinds Were Down And All The Shutters Closed, Julia Was Sent To Bolt The Garden Door, And All Did Whatsoe'Er They Felt Disposed; Mamma, With Covered Face, Lay Down And Dozed, Papa And His Three Daughters Played At Loo, It Was A Pleasant Pastime They Supposed, I Almost Think It Must Have Been, Don't You? But Everybody Wished The Day Would Dawn Anew. Ciii. They Went To Bed, As Weary People Must, Earlier Than Usual, After Having Played Three Lovely Games At Loo, And Then Discussed The Nice Refreshment In The Pleasant Shade; And I Am Sure They Must Have Been Repaid Quite Amply For Their Trouble In The Pleasure Of Hearing All The Gentlemen Had Said, For Dora Seemed Amused Beyond All Measure-- (She Was The Eldest One, You Know, And Such A Treasure!) Civ. The Household Said Good Night To Chat And Cards, They Were, At Least They Seemed To Be, Worn Out; And 'Tis The Same, I Think, With Tiny Bards, For They, Too, Must Leave Off Sometimes, No Doubt, Most Folks, I Know, Would Rather Be Without Such Nuisances As We Are At The Most, And I Myself Am But A Lazy Lout, For Dallying All My Time Amongst The Host Of Scribbling Dolts; But Writing Verse Is Not My Boast. Cv. Good-Bye, My Friends, For Now, I Really Think, 'Tis Time To Pause For I Have Croaked So Long, To Lay Aside My Paper, Pen And Ink, And Hush The Grating Measure Of My Song, Your Kind Applause May Not To Me Belong, It Might Have Been Much Better I'll Agree, But If You'll Just Decide To Come Along-- With A Forgiving Heart--Along With Me, We'll Both Shake Hands Upon The Subject Merrily. Cvi. It Is A Pity Fools Are Prone To Scribble, Such Pigmy Rhymesters As Sincerely Yours, Who Flabbergast Their Nursery-Maids And Dribble All Down Their Literary Pinafores. All Men Form Two Divisions--First, The Bores, Next, Those Who Must Incessantly Be Bored; To Those Who Can Explain I Leave The Cause, Or Him Who Said So ('Twas A Certain Lord) His Name It Is Not Necessary To Record. Cvii. I Want A Rest, I Blink, I See Some Authors, And Laurel Wreaths And Pens Both Great And Small, But Weirdly Mixed With Inkpots, Cups And Saucers, Floating In Air Like Things Ethereal; How Dare Such Stupid Things Intrude At All! There, Let Me Sleep For Goodness' Gracious' Sake, I Really Shall Not Answer If You Call, I'll Finish Up My Story When I Wake; Hush, Hush, My Darling, Hush, Else Rest I Cannot Take.