It's A Mystery To See Me - A Man O' Fifty-Four, Who's Lived A Cross Old Bachelor Fer Thirty Year' And More - A-Lookin' Glad And Smilin'! And They'S None O' You Can Say That You Can Guess The Reason Why I Feel So Good To-Day! I Must Tell You All About It! But I'll Have To Deviate A Little In Beginning So'S To Set The Matter Straight As To How It Comes To Happen That I Never Took A Wife - Kind O' "Crawfish" From The Present To The Springtime Of My Life! I Was Brought Up In The Country: Of A Family Of Five - Three Brothers And A Sister - I'm The Only One Alive, - Fer They All Died Little Babies; And 'Twas One O' Mother'S Ways, You Know, To Want A Daughter; So She Took A Girl To Raise. The Sweetest Little Thing She Was, With Rosy Cheeks, And Fat - We Was Little Chunks O' Shavers Then About As High As That! But Someway We Sort O' Suited-Like! And Mother She'd Declare She Never Laid Her Eyes On A More Lovin' Pair Than We Was! So We Growed Up Side By Side Fer Thirteen Year', And Every Hour Of It She Growed To Me More Dear! - W'Y, Even Father'S Dyin', As He Did, I Do Believe Warn'T More Affectin' To Me Than It Was To See Her Grieve! I Was Then A Lad O' Twenty; And I Felt A Flash O' Pride In Thinkin' All Depended On Me Now To Pervide Fer Mother And Fer Mary; And I Went About The Place With Sleeves Rolled Up - And Workin', With A Mighty Smilin' Face. - Fer Sompin' Else Was Workin'! But Not A Word I Said Of A Certain Sort O' Notion That Was Runnin' Through My Head, - "Someday I'd Mayby Marry, And A Brother'S Love Was One Thing - A Lover'S Was Another!" Was The Way The Notion Run! I Remember Onc'T In Harvest, When The "Cradle-In'" Was Done - When The Harvest Of My Summers Mounted Up To Twenty-One - I Was Ridin' Home With Mary At The Closin' O' The Day - A-Chawin' Straws And Thinkin', In A Lover'S Lazy Way! And Mary'S Cheeks Was Burnin' Like The Sunset Down The Lane: I Noticed She Was Thinkin', Too, And Ast Her To Explain Well - When She Turned And Kissed Me, With Her Arm Around Me - Law! I'd A Bigger Load O' Heaven Than I Had A Load O' Straw! I Don't P'Tend To Learnin', But I'll Tell You What's A Fac', They'S A Mighty Truthful Sayin' Somers In A Almanack - Er Somers - 'Bout "Puore Happiness" - Perhaps Some Folks'll Laugh At The Idy - "Only Lastin' Jest Two Seconds And A Half." - But Its Jest As True As Preachin'! - Fer That Was A Sister'S Kiss, And A Sister'S Lovin' Confidence A-Tellin' To Me This: - "She Was Happy, Bein' Promised To The Son O' Farmer Brown." - And My Feelin'S Struck A Pardnership With Sunset And Went Down! I Don't Know How I Acted - I Don't Know What I Said, Fer My Heart Seemed Jest A-Turnin' To An Ice-Cold Lump O' Lead; And The Hosses Kind O' Glimmered Before Me In The Road, And The Lines Fell From My Fingers - And That Was All I Knowed - Fer - Well, I Don't Know How Long - They'S A Dim Rememberence Of A Sound O' Snortin' Bosses, And A Stake-And-Ridered Fence A-Whizzin' Past, And Wheat-Sheaves A-Dancin' In The Air, And Mary Screamin' "Murder!" And A-Runnin' Up To Where I Was Layin' By The Roadside, And The Wagon Upside Down A-Leanin' On The Gate-Post, With The Wheels A Whirlin' Round! And I Tried To Raise And Meet Her, But I Couldn't, With A Vague Sort O' Notion Comin' To Me That I Had A Broken Leg. Well, The Women Nussed Me Through It; But Many A Time I'd Sigh As I'd Keep A-Gittin' Better Instid O' Goin' To Die, And Wonder What Was Left Me Worth Livin' Fer Below, When The Girl I Loved Was Married To Another, Don't You Know! And My Thoughts Was As Rebellious As The Folks Was Good And Kind When Brown And Mary Married - Railly Must A-Been My Mind Was Kindo' Out O' Kilter! - Fer I Hated Brown, You See, Worse'N Pizen - And The Feller Whittled Crutches Out Fer Me - And Done A Thousand Little Ac'S O' Kindness And Respec' - And Me A-Wishin' All The Time That I Could Break His Neck! My Relief Was Like A Mourner'S When The Funeral Is Done When They Moved To Illinois In The Fall O' Forty-One. Then I Went To Work In Airnest - I Had Nothin' Much In View But To Drownd Out Rickollections - And It Kep' Me Busy, Too! But I Slowly Thrived And Prospered, Tel Mother Used To Say She Expected Yit To See Me A Wealthy Man Some Day. Then I'd Think How Little Money Was, Compared To Happiness - And Who'D Be Left To Use It When I Died I Couldn't Guess! But I've Still Kep' Speculatin' And A-Gainin' Year By Year, Tel I'm Payin' Half The Taxes In The County, Mighty Near! Well! - A Year Ago Er Better, A Letter Comes To Hand Astin' How I'd Like To Dicker Fer Some Illinois Land - "The Feller That Had Owned It," It Went Ahead To State, "Had Jest Deceased, Insolvent, Leavin' Chance To Speculate," - And Then It Closed By Sayin' That I'd "Better Come And See." - I'd Never Been West, Anyhow - A Most Too Wild Fer Me, I'd Allus Had A Notion; But A Lawyer Here In Town Said I'd Find Myself Mistakend When I Come To Look Around. So I Bids Good-Bye To Mother, And I Jumps Aboard The Train, A-Thinkin' What I'd Bring Her When I Come Back Home Again - And Ef She'd Had An Idy What The Present Was To Be, I Think It's More 'N Likely She'd A-Went Along With Me! Cars Is Awful Tejus Ridin', Fer All They Go So Fast! But Finally They Called Out My Stopping-Place At Last: And That Night, At The Tavern, I Dreamp' I Was A Train O' Cars, And Skeered At Sumpin', Runnin' Down A Country Lane! Well, In The Mornin' Airly - After Huntin' Up The Man - The Lawyer Who Was Wantin' To Swap The Piece O' Land - We Started Fer The Country;' And I Ast The History Of The Farm - Its Former Owner - And So-Forth, Etcetery! And - Well - It Was Interestin' - I Su'Prised Him, I Suppose, By The Loud And Frequent Manner In Which I Blowed My Nose! - But His Su'Prise Was Greater, And It Made Him Wonder More, When I Kissed And Hugged The Widder When She Met Us At The Door! - It Was Mary: They'S A Feelin' A-Hidin' Down In Here - Of Course I Can't Explain It, Ner Ever Make It Clear. - It Was With Us In That Meeting I Don't Want You To Fergit! And It Makes Me Kind O' Nervous When I Think About It Yit! I Bought That Farm, And Deeded It, Afore I Left The Town, With "Title Clear To Mansions In The Skies," To Mary Brown! And Fu'Thermore, I Took Her And The Childern - Fer You See, They'd Never Seed Their Grandma - And I Fetched 'Em Home With Me. So Now You've Got An Idy Why A Man O' Fifty-Four, Who's Lived A Cross Old Bachelor Fer Thirty Year' And More, Is A-Lookin' Glad And Smilin'! - And I've Jest Come Into Town To Git A Pair O' License Fer To Marry Mary Brown.