Oh! I Know A Certain Woman Who Is Reckoned With The Good, But She Fills Me With More Terror Than A Raging Lion Could. The Little Chills Run Up And Down My Spine WheNe'er We Meet, Though She Seems A Gentle Creature And SHe's Very Trim And Neat. And She Has A Thousand Virtues And Not One Acknowledged Sin, But She Is The Sort Of Person You Could Liken To A Pin. And She Pricks You, And She Sticks You, In A Way That Can't Be Said - When You Seek For What Has Hurt You, Why, You Cannot Find The Head. But She Fills You With Discomfort And Exasperating Pain - If Anybody Asks You Why, You Really Can't Explain. A Pin Is Such A Tiny Thing - Of That There Is No Doubt - Yet When It's Sticking In Your Flesh, You're Wretched Till It's Out! She Is Wonderfully Observing. When She Meets A Pretty Girl She Is Always Sure To Tell Her If Her "Bang" Is Out Of Curl. And She Is So Sympathetic; To Her Friend Who's Much Admired, She Is Often Heard Remarking: "Dear, You Look So Worn And Tired!" And She Is A Careful Critic; For On Yesterday She Eyed The New Dress I Was Airing With A Woman'S Natural Pride, And She Said: "Oh, How Becoming!" And Then Softly Added, "It Is Really A Misfortune That The Basque Is Such A Fit." Then She Said: "If You Had Heard Me Yestereve, I'm Sure, My Friend, You Would Say I Am A Champion Who Knows How To Defend." And She Left Me With A Feeling - Most Unpleasant, I Aver - That The Whole World Would Despise Me If It Hadn't Been For Her. Whenever I Encounter Her, In Such A Nameless Way She Gives Me The Impression I Am At My Worst That Day; And The Hat That Was Imported (And That Cost Me Half A Sonnet) With Just One Glance From Her Round Eyes Becomes A Bowery Bonnet. She Is Always Bright And Smiling, Sharp And Shining For A Thrust; Use Does Not Seem To Blunt Her Point, Nor Does She Gather Rust. Oh! I Wish Some Hapless Specimen Of Mankind Would Begin To Tidy Up The World For Me, By Picking Up This Pin.