If Wishes Were Horses'--I've Heard When A Girl-- 'If Wishes Were Horses, The Beggars Would Ride'-- If Wishes Were Pheasants, I'd Wish With A Skirl Till Cooked Ones Came Flying And Sat By My Side. A Fig, Then, For Doctors, Their Tinctures And Drugs; Good Eating Would Cure Me, With Plenty Of Game; And As For Pill Boxes, And Bottles, And Jugs, I Wouldn't Know One, When I Saw It, By Name. Oh, Dear! Such A Load Now My Stomach Oppresses, While Eating These Trifles, Attempting To Dine-- I'm Sure 'Taint The Turkey--It Must Be My Dresses-- And If So 'T Will Ease Them To Sip Sherry Wine. 'Tis Sad, Though, To Be Such A Sad Invalid-- Dear Me, Colonel Dinewell, You've Done Eating Meat-- Your Doctor, Like Mine, I Hope Hasn't Forbid, That You Shouldn't Have, As I Do, So Little To Eat. Ah! Well Then, I See, Though I've Hardly Begun, The Meats And The Solids Must Go Right Away; So Bring In The Pudding, If Susan'S Got One, Which Will For A While One'S Appetite Stay.